A Clear Mind

“ What trash! Lonely women are so slight to everyone to disdain. They may throw stones on young women, but at this age of seventy what hell is this to me?” Sujatha in tears expressed her agony.

Sujatha is a popular writer. Her stories or serials are used to enthrall the readers. She developed self-confidence and personality development in many women. Sujatha’s son and daughter had married and settled in America. Her husband recently succumbed to illness. To fulfill that dearth Sujatha diverted her time to social service. She used to tell that it provided her immense self-satisfaction and gave her peace and calmness.

I am one of her best fans and friends. Her friendship is a god-given boon to me. After a long time, bored of talking on the phone I met her personally. She is not at home. The live-in domestic cook cum servant maid Narsamma invited me, “ madam went to see the Doctor. Please come in and wait” and offered a glass of water.

I inquired about the doctor.

“ No idea madam, she said she will come back within no time”

Sujatha returned when I was in a tete-a-tete with the lady.

As soon as she saw me, she hugged me happily. We both turned emotional as we met after a long time. Though her hug is affectionate, a slight sigh came out from her as a sign of suppressing some anguish.

“ Why do you see a doctor? What is wrong with you? Is it a routine checkup?” I asked her.

“ Yeah, routine sugar levels checkup. The post-lunch reading went up to 320. You know I never have sweets. Even rice I take in limited amounts. I can’t understand why the reading went up so suddenly?” she expressed her concern.

“ sometimes even tension raises the sugar levels,” I said, without an idea of what to say.

“ Yes, tension alone peaked it up.” She stated.

I looked at her surprised. She fulfilled all her responsibilities and spent her life peacefully in social service. What else makes her tense? I blurted out the same.

“ Why do I have so many restrictions at this age of seventy? Why didn’t they let women stand on their own legs at any stage of life? If a husband is bedridden with illness or a useless entity, this society shows immense sympathy and respects her.

Take my own case my husband had been bedridden for the last four-five years. Children now and then visited us. I alone managed everything. As soon as he left own relatives and even siblings advised me, “ why do you need such a big house? Why stay here alone managing with servants? Sell the home, go to America, and settle in your son’s home. “vanish my peace of mind. When he survived, I did everything, now I do the same work. Without stretching my hand for any help, doing some service and charity in whatever, I live my life peacefully. But some disdain my individuality and throw stones, making me strengthless” her way of talking and the pain in her words displayed how much she was hurt.

“ Ok, I may go to my son in America, but you know everything. Son, daughter-in-law, and my grandkids run around with their own day-to-day routine, what shall I do but for watching them silently?

No other work but for watching TV. Spending life at someone’s home, waiting for the weekend to go out with them to see the outside world” the agony in my mind flooded out as a stream.

“ With all such talks I lost faith in myself, and I am in a dilemma. Whether to stay on my own or to go and live with the kids. In that mental conflict the sugar levels increased it seems Mani” she said and looked at me as an innocent.

I am surprised. A renowned writer, is she talking so desperately? She initiated self-confidence in many women through her writings. When it comes to her case, nothing comes to her mind. I assumed the responsibility to awaken the brave woman in her.

I continued the conversation including the troubles of other women in our talks.
“ Suja, you know everything. A society with a cruel chuckle makes a woman weak-minded, who lives on her own with kids doing household work, away from her husband, as he is addicted to drinking and ill-treating, and sends her back to fall on his mercy to live together.

You know about Vanaja, she lectured eloquently on women's problems and troubles on many occasions in meetings and receives titles like the Gem of women and the progressive gem. Recently, she called me and expressed her agony. When people clap and praise her when she was on the dais, as soon as she comes down, bother her with questions,

“ what about your husband, it looks good if he is here. He knows about your eloquence.” Sarcastically comment as if I am wandering without caring about the home. With commanding looks mixing the mocking they talk. She expressed her pain”

“ If we think did all men take their wives or women to the meetings? nobody can ask this. In the name of supporting art, they all come to meetings, have some pastime, and go home leaving some nasty comments.

On one side they claim women had independence but can never tolerate women's individuality. You are a great writer and a model to many women. You know everything. Don’t be so sensitive. As long as we care about society it throws stones at us. Never bother about it. Stay here. We all can meet now and then do whatever we can to the society and live independently and happily.” I encouraged her.

Translated from Telugu to English by Jetavarapu  Rajyasree